As a working mum, quality time with my kids has been on my mind ever since I had my first child and especially since returning to work after my first maternity leave. Looking back on that time and many years of juggling parenting with guilt and work that followed, I see myself drowning and coming up for air, snatching moments of time with my children that weren’t accompanied by a chore or rushing somewhere. I have always been a proud working mum, and I have always wanted to succeed at both. As a mum of three, I have tried and tested many ways of connecting with my children, ranging from expensive family holidays to finding a few minutes in the day for each of them. This article is for you if you’re trying to understand how to make the most of your limited time, especially in a world where “what makes a good mother” or “what makes a good father” often feels like an impossible standard.

This is what I would tell my younger self when I was just starting out as a working mum:

1. Small Acts, Big Impact: My biggest learning over the years has been accepting and finding joy in the small moments. I heard people say this to me but I used to think that “being a good parent” meant grand gestures, like planning a big family day or taking time off. The key to this is believing in the importance of small acts myself. Seeing my children respond well to it too behaviourally really helps me truly appreciate the simplicity of these small micro connections. My lessons learned is that what makes a good mother are not the grand gestures in a once-a-year attempt to connect with your kids. It’s the small things that matter most. Whether it’s a five-minute chat before bedtime or a quick breakfast together, these moments can leave lasting impressions. Making a habit of spending just a few minutes of undivided attention, with good eye contact, to simply tell your kids about your day can open doors to deeper conversations and understanding. You will be surprised what wonderful questions they may ask you and they may even end up telling you about their day if you take the lead! It’s not about how much time you spend, but how you spend it. Engaging in meaningful activities, even if they are brief, can create stronger connections. Focus on activities that allow for interaction, laughter, and conversation. Quality moments like a heartfelt conversation or a shared laugh are far more valuable than hours spent together without meaningful interaction.

2. Rituals and Traditions: Establishing family rituals can strengthen bonds and create cherished memories. This could be anything from a weekly movie night, a Sunday morning pancake breakfast, or a nightly story time. These traditions give children something to look forward to and provide a sense of stability and connection. If reading this makes you go ‘yeah right I don’t have time or energy for this!’ - keep reading! The key elements here for me are flexibility and simplicity. A lot like with small acts, big impact, this one for me is not about overpromising and underdelivering. Some Sundays I feel like I’m too exhausted for this! And no way I have the energy to make pancakes and that’s ok, maybe that Sunday is more perfect for a movie night. As I get more aware of my parenting, I get better at recognizing my own limits and noticing when I’m running on a lack of energy. This is pure trial and error talking – I have had times where I gave in to rituals without acknowledging if I actually had no energy for it. For me these things need to be simple enough and there needs to be room for grace to swap it or skip it – instead of powering through a family tradition with no real joy in it. And it doesn’t have to be weekly things – there are seasonal moments that are so easy not to invest into year after year and those are the little things that create that special bond with our little ones over time. I know that a big favourite with my boys is apple bobbing on Halloween night - minimal set up (bucket of water and a handful of apples!) - a little messy but only water - and year after year even the teenagers are still involved! I know this is something they will remember from their childhood as a happy memory.

3. Be Present: This one is so hard but so crucial. In our digitally driven world, being a present dad or present mum can be challenging. I really know how much hard it is when you have work messages, social messages, school messages, emails all urgent things competing for attention (or to be honest some days it also can be the trap of Instagram scrolling – working on this one!). But I also know what a difference it makes when I put away my phone, shut off the TV, and focus entirely on my child. Active listening and eye contact makes our children feel valued and understood. This undivided attention, even if just for a short time, can make a huge difference in your connection. We make a big deal of no tech dinners – no one (and that means grown-ups too!) is allowed their phone or any other tech at dinner time. We have a conversation, we have a laugh, we chat about what’s coming up the next day. A simple but huge shift we made was to each share ‘three things that went well today’ with each other. It took a short while for us all to get into it and now the boys will get going themselves as soon as we sit down. This little tradition is a great way of focusing our brain on positive things that happened - very helpful for me too as an adult as I can be critical of things that didn’t go well! On the flipside every now and then we have a tradition that saves us when we are low on batteries and high on things to do. When we need an easy evening, we will treat the boys to a special ‘telly dinner’ – let them sit and eat on the sofa and watch a show. Because it’s a special treat we don’t feel like guilty parents and it feels special for the kids.

4. Get Involved in Their Interests: One of the biggest challenges with balancing work and family is not feeling connected to your children. With busy schedules and constant deadlines, it’s easy to become a “stressed parent,” drifting further from the details of their lives, especially when they are going through their teens – those years are that much harder to connect with so showing interest in what your child loves, whether it’s a hobby, a favourite game, or a book they’re reading will go a long way. Joining them in their interests can create moments of joy and shared experiences. It doesn’t have to be anything time consuming either or specialised - whether it’s playing their favourite videogame together or watching a TV show you enjoy, these activities can strengthen your bond. My three favourites are – my weekly evening swim with my eldest, he loves exercise to swimming together is a fabulous treat for both of us, watching an episode or two of Friends with my thirteen-year-old, and a game of monopoly with my six-year-old – he loves the stuff!

5. Mum special - Managing Working Mum's Guilt: Guilt is an all-too-familiar companion for many working mums. It’s important to recognise that this feeling is normal and doesn’t define your abilities as a mother or a professional. Here are a few strategies to help manage this guilt:

·         Give yourself grace. You’re doing your best, and it's okay to acknowledge the effort you put in every day. One of my favourite mottos is #progressnotperfection

·         Focus on making the most of the time you spend with your kids rather than worrying about the quantity. Small moments matter.

·         Understand that you can’t get the perfect balance all the time (it really is impossible!). Some days even some weeks may feel like the energy went more into work – that’s normal and will even itself out.

·         Get good at asking for help from family, friends, your boss. Sharing your load and declaring your needs as a mother at work can make a big difference.

·         Acknowledge and celebrate small victories, both at work and at home. These reminders of success can boost your confidence and reduce feelings of guilt. Remember the ‘three things that went well’ from point 3. above!)

Balancing work and parenting is no easy feat, but small, intentional changes can lead to deeper connections with your children. Remember, it’s not about perfection but about being present and making the most of the time you have. As you navigate this journey, know that every small effort counts and contributes to building a loving and connected family.

Remember, you're setting a powerful example for your children about hard work, resilience, and the ability to balance multiple roles. Every effort you make contributes to a loving and supportive family environment.