Why motherhood can change your relationship with work, ambition and the career you thought you wanted.

You spent years building your career. You worked hard, developed your expertise, earned your place and perhaps even reached a position you once dreamed of having. Before maternity leave, you knew your job, understood the expectations and had a reasonably clear picture of where your career was going.

Of course, there were frustrations. The demanding boss, the endless meetings, the compromises, the office politics, the working culture that expected you to be endlessly available. But you managed them. Perhaps you even considered them the price of having a successful career.

Then you had a baby.

And when you returned to work after maternity leave, something felt different.

Not necessarily immediately. You might have been excited to return, to reconnect with colleagues, to use your professional brain again and to reclaim a part of your identity that had been quieter during maternity leave.

But as the weeks passed and you settled back into your role, an uncomfortable feeling began to emerge.

What if I don't actually want this job anymore?

Returning to leadership after maternity leave is not about choosing between the professional woman you were and the mother you have become. It is about learning to hold both, and discovering the leader who can emerge from their integration.

My work as a Mentor Coach has reinforced several lessons about how that development really happens.

Through my work coaching mothers and female leaders, I've become increasingly interested in two words: understanding and empathy.

I've noticed how much it matters for women to feel that the person supporting their leadership also understands the transition they are experiencing through motherhood. Some women I work with already know about matrescence. They've read about it, thought about it and perhaps started to understand their own experience through that lens. Others have never heard the word before.

But you may recognise the experience immediately.

Returning to work after maternity leave? Insights on matrescence, identity shifts, and leadership confidence from real conversations with mothers.

Returning to work after maternity leave isn’t a confidence problem, it’s a leadership transition. Reflections on matrescence, identity change, and sustainable leadership.

Quiet courage over constant hustle.
This year I watched so many leaders choose a truer path, fewer “shoulds,” more self-trust. Matrescence (the identity shift through parenthood) didn’t slow them down; it sharpened their leadership: clarity, empathy, principled priorities. Not soft skills. Strategic assets.

For those new here, matrescence (like adolescence) is a transformational developmental shift that unfolds over several years. Coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael and advanced by Dr. Aurélie Athan (Columbia University), matrescence is the holistic transition into motherhood, physical, emotional, social, and neurological.

This shift turns caregivers into extraordinary, yet often underrated, leaders. In plain terms: parenthood is a leadership accelerator that nurtures the exact capabilities companies spend heavily to develop…

In my work with high-achieving mothers navigating mid-matrescence, this is the inflection point I see again and again. Women who’ve spent years proving themselves, at work, at home, suddenly realise:

The real leadership isn’t in doing more.

It’s in redefining what matters most and having the courage to live it.

For parents, especially those balancing leadership roles, the mental load is relentless. It’s the cognitive and emotional labour of remembering ALL THE THINGS: the dentist appointments, the lunchboxes, the school supply lists, the emotional temperature of your children, and your own deadlines. And this is far far far from a comprehensive list.

What do I mean by that? It’s that season when you’ve been a mum for a while, your eldest is somewhere around 12-14. You might still have younger ones in the mix, but the physically intense early years are behind you (mostly). You’re not knee-deep in nappies anymore, but you’re still deep in motherhood and mothering.

From the very first moment of carrying a baby, we begin the process of becoming a mother. Well before the baby is born, we begin our matrescence journey.

"A healthy woman is much like a wolf: robust, chock-full, strong life force, life-giving, territorially aware, inventive, loyal, roving...", Clarissa Pinkola Estés I nher gorgeous book “Women Who Run With The Wolves”.

When I first read this, something familiar in me popped to the surface for a moment. Not just as a woman, but as a mother, a leader, and a coach working with brilliant, and mostly exhausted mums navigating the terrain of matrescence and leadership.

Here’s what I’ve learned (and continue to learn) that I feel so passionate to share with others:

• You can be powerful without pushing.

• You can rest and still rise.

• Saying no can be your most radical act of self-leadership.

Motherhood is a huge transformation. Yet so often in our modern, fast-paced, and performance-driven workplaces, it’s viewed as a detour or a burden rather than the leadership superpower it truly is.

Anyone who has been a parent knows that striving for perfection is a recipe for burnout. From the moment your child is born, you are faced with decisions: breastfeeding or formula, sleep training or co-sleeping, screen time or no screen time, dummy or no dummy, nursery or childminder, and every choice can feel like it’s loaded with expectations ( and judgment, obviously).

What I’ve learned from mothers in leadership and from working in a leadership role myself

Are you finding yourself succeeding in your career, and yet, something feels deeply off? You’re ticking all the boxes, reaching the milestones, sitting at the leadership table… but somewhere, something is quietly (or not so quietly) aching. The best way I can describe it is this ‘off’ feeling. I know it’s not specific but I also know you know.

The shock of caring for a newborn is something few people are truly prepared for. There’s no HR induction, no clear metrics for success, and no breaks. Truly, there are no breaks. Just relentless demand, unpredictability, and a tiny human whose needs obliterate any semblance of routine.