Returning to work after maternity leave isn’t a confidence problem, it’s a leadership transition. Reflections on matrescence, identity change, and sustainable leadership.

Quiet courage over constant hustle.
This year I watched so many leaders choose a truer path, fewer “shoulds,” more self-trust. Matrescence (the identity shift through parenthood) didn’t slow them down; it sharpened their leadership: clarity, empathy, principled priorities. Not soft skills. Strategic assets.

In my work with high-achieving mothers navigating mid-matrescence, this is the inflection point I see again and again. Women who’ve spent years proving themselves, at work, at home, suddenly realise:

The real leadership isn’t in doing more.

It’s in redefining what matters most and having the courage to live it.

For parents, especially those balancing leadership roles, the mental load is relentless. It’s the cognitive and emotional labour of remembering ALL THE THINGS: the dentist appointments, the lunchboxes, the school supply lists, the emotional temperature of your children, and your own deadlines. And this is far far far from a comprehensive list.

What do I mean by that? It’s that season when you’ve been a mum for a while, your eldest is somewhere around 12-14. You might still have younger ones in the mix, but the physically intense early years are behind you (mostly). You’re not knee-deep in nappies anymore, but you’re still deep in motherhood and mothering.

From the very first moment of carrying a baby, we begin the process of becoming a mother. Well before the baby is born, we begin our matrescence journey.

"A healthy woman is much like a wolf: robust, chock-full, strong life force, life-giving, territorially aware, inventive, loyal, roving...", Clarissa Pinkola Estés I nher gorgeous book “Women Who Run With The Wolves”.

When I first read this, something familiar in me popped to the surface for a moment. Not just as a woman, but as a mother, a leader, and a coach working with brilliant, and mostly exhausted mums navigating the terrain of matrescence and leadership.

Here’s what I’ve learned (and continue to learn) that I feel so passionate to share with others:

• You can be powerful without pushing.

• You can rest and still rise.

• Saying no can be your most radical act of self-leadership.

Motherhood is a huge transformation. Yet so often in our modern, fast-paced, and performance-driven workplaces, it’s viewed as a detour or a burden rather than the leadership superpower it truly is.

Anyone who has been a parent knows that striving for perfection is a recipe for burnout. From the moment your child is born, you are faced with decisions: breastfeeding or formula, sleep training or co-sleeping, screen time or no screen time, dummy or no dummy, nursery or childminder, and every choice can feel like it’s loaded with expectations ( and judgment, obviously).

What I’ve learned from mothers in leadership and from working in a leadership role myself

Are you finding yourself succeeding in your career, and yet, something feels deeply off? You’re ticking all the boxes, reaching the milestones, sitting at the leadership table… but somewhere, something is quietly (or not so quietly) aching. The best way I can describe it is this ‘off’ feeling. I know it’s not specific but I also know you know.

The shock of caring for a newborn is something few people are truly prepared for. There’s no HR induction, no clear metrics for success, and no breaks. Truly, there are no breaks. Just relentless demand, unpredictability, and a tiny human whose needs obliterate any semblance of routine.

“Tuning in and getting connected is all about how you use the minutes, not the days.”

It’s a powerful reframe, especially for working parents in leadership roles, juggling high-pressure jobs and the emotional load of raising a family.

So many of the parents I coach carry a persistent guilt. Guilt for not being at every school assembly. Guilt for missing bedtime some nights. Guilt for checking work messages while half-watching Bluey.

This Quote About Burnout Changed the Way I Work and Parent.

“Have you ever come down with a terrible cold as soon as you finished a huge project? Have you ended up in the hospital after a prolonged period of extreme stress?”.

I mean…. yes and yes from me…

It’s a familiar story, right?

We push through the presentation, the promotion cycle, the childcare crisis, the sleepless nights. We tell ourselves: Just get to Friday. Just get through this quarter. Just get through this phase. Just… And when we finally cross that invisible finish line we don’t feel victorious. We can’t even enjoy it. We crash. Hard.

Emma Barnett’s powerful statement in her wonderful new book Maternity Service, captures a truth so many women only realise once they step into motherhood:

“At this moment in time, Western women are the least prepared we have ever been for maternity leave and becoming mothers.”

The contradiction is stark. Women today grow up believing they can “have it all”, a thriving career, an equal partnership, and a fulfilling family life. Millennial couples enter parenthood expecting an equal division of labour with their partners. And yet, when maternity leave begins, so many mothers experience the same shocking reality: isolation, exhaustion, and the realisation that our workplaces and societal structures have done little to prepare us for this transition.

How often do you extend the same kindness to yourself that you so freely give to others? As parents in leadership, we are often the first to offer support, encouragement, and understanding to our teams, our children, and our partners. But we tend to be our harshest critics when it comes to ourselves.

We set impossibly high standards. We push through exhaustion. We strive to be present at home while excelling in our careers. And when we fall short of our own expectations, we judge ourselves harshly.

But what if we changed that narrative? What if, instead of waiting for external validation, we chose to show ourselves kindness, right now, in this moment, even if it’s a very hard moment?