"It’s How You Use the Minutes, Not the Days": A Reframe for Time-Strapped Parents
There’s a line in Anita Cleare’s The Work/Parent Switch (the title in the US is The Working Parent Survival Guide) that I remember reading years ago, and I immediately felt relief. I was travelling quite a lot at the time for work, and leaving my three children behind for several weeks at a time was hard. There was a lot of guilt there for me.
“Tuning in and getting connected is all about how you use the minutes, not the days.”
It’s a powerful reframe, especially for working parents in leadership roles, juggling high-pressure jobs and the emotional load of raising a family.
So many of the parents I coach carry a persistent guilt. Guilt for not being at every school assembly. Guilt for missing bedtime some nights. Guilt for checking work messages while half-watching Bluey.
And underneath that guilt is often a fear: Am I giving my child enough of me? And Anita’s book has given me so much relief from this question. The answer was, even in the busiest times, yes, I am.
It’s about how we measure "enough". I used to see it as days (long weekends, holidays, days off in the week), but what if it was measured in moments?
Cleare’s words remind us that connection isn’t about clocking up parenting hours like a timesheet. It’s about being attuned. It’s about showing up in the minutes we do have, intentionally, wholeheartedly, without distraction.
This idea is a balm for working parents who love their kids fiercely but simply can’t give them endless time. And let’s be honest, most kids don’t want us all the time. They want us to really see them, even for a few moments.
Why Quality (Not Quantity) Matters
Research backs this up. Children don’t need perfect parents or round-the-clock engagement. What they need is to feel emotionally safe, seen, and understood. That can happen in five minutes. It doesn’t always require an afternoon of baking, a day trip to the zoo, or hours of craft activities.
In fact, sometimes those longer stretches are less effective if we’re half-present, checking emails, thinking about our next meeting, or mentally drafting tomorrow’s presentation.
That’s where Anita’s idea really lands: we can build deep connection in small, doable moments. It’s how we show up in the margins of the day/week/month that counts.
The Guilt Trap for Working Parents in Leadership
If you're in a senior role, your calendar is probably back-to-back. Decision fatigue is real. You carry a high cognitive load at work, and at home. You might be managing people, navigating tough calls, and thinking strategically all day, only to walk through the door and face the raw, immediate needs of your kids.
That tension, between being a present leader and a present parent, can be intense.
But here’s what I often share with clients: leadership skills like listening deeply, being emotionally intelligent, and reading the room, those are also parenting skills. You can bring them home. You do bring them home, even if it doesn’t always feel like enough.
What matters is how you show up in the time you do have, not how much time you have.
Practical Ways to Connect in the Margins (Inspired by The Work/Parent Switch)
Here are a few small but mighty ways Cleare suggests busy parents can foster connection, without needing to carve out hours:
Make eye contact at pick-up or drop-off. That moment of locking eyes and smiling says, I see you. I’m here.
Use transitions wisely. Even brushing teeth, walking to school, or putting shoes on can be moments to chat, share a laugh, or ask, “What was the best part of your day?” or “What made you laugh today?”.
Create a 5-minute ritual. A quick story after dinner. A cuddle and a silly voice at bedtime. One song you always sing together. Rituals build belonging.
Practice the “two-minute tune-in.” Stop what you’re doing for just two minutes when your child is talking to you. Put down your phone. Turn to them. Listen fully. It makes a bigger impact than we think.
Name the good moments out loud. “I loved our chat in the car this morning.” It reinforces connection and tells your child that time with them matters to you.
These ideas aren’t flashy. They’re simple. But over time, they build a strong foundation of emotional closeness, and remind your child they are loved, noticed, and important.
From Guilt to Intention
If you’ve been carrying guilt about not being around enough, I want to offer a gentle shift:
Instead of aiming to be there more, try being there more fully.
Ask yourself:
Am I tuning in when I can?
Am I making space for mini-moments of connection?
Am I showing my child that I see and love them, even in the chaos?
Cleare’s reminder helps us lower the bar in the best way. It invites us to focus on what’s possible in real life, not some idealised version of parenthood.
Because sometimes, five connected minutes is all it takes to make your child feel safe, loved, and held.
And that is more than enough.