This Quote About Burnout Changed the Way I Work and Parent
This line from Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by the brilliant sisters - Emily & Amelia Nagoski, at first made me quite angry. I had very young kids at the time and the two-year-old was still NOT SLEEPING! So it had first pissed me off (just like they say in Ted Lasso – the truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off!) because I was like yeah right - try having three kids - none of which were 'good sleepers'.
HOWEVER, some time went on, the anger shifted to acknowledgment and acceptance, through some painful experiences, unfortunately, health-wise. This quote comes from a chapter about rest and the sobering reality that 42 percent of our lives should be spent on recovery. That includes sleep, rest, relaxation, play, connection, and downtime.
In other words: nearly half of our time on this planet needs to be spent restoring ourselves. Not hustling. Not multitasking. Not "catching up" on life. Just… restoring. Ouch. For someone whose inner mean mama’s voice is all about being productive and never being lazy is quite a shocking number!
The beautiful Nagoski sisters go on to ask:
“Have you ever come down with a terrible cold as soon as you finished a huge project? Have you ended up in the hospital after a prolonged period of extreme stress?”.
I mean…. yes and yes from me…
It’s a familiar story, right?
We push through the presentation, the promotion cycle, the childcare crisis, the sleepless nights. We tell ourselves: Just get to Friday. Just get through this quarter. Just get through this phase. Just… And when we finally cross that invisible finish line we don’t feel victorious. We can’t even enjoy it. We crash. Hard.
As a coach working with parents in leadership roles, I see this pattern all the time.
Smart, driven, capable people, many of them running teams, departments, even whole businesses, showing up every day with commitment and care. They're ambitious, they’re responsible, and they’re also deeply exhausted.
Add parenting to the mix, whether you’re in the early days of sleep deprivation or navigating the complex emotional load of raising older kids, and the pressure doubles. The more kids you have, the more complex the load. And so is the guilt. Trust me on this one.
The guilt for not doing more at work. The guilt for not being fully present at home. The guilt for not being the partner, friend, or even the self you once were.
Here’s something we don’t hear enough:
Rest is not a reward.
Sleep is not a luxury. (ok, it feels like it is in the early parenting days, I know that too well!)
Time to restore isn’t something you “earn” after finishing your to-do list, it’s something you need in order to keep going.
When we ignore that need, the 42 percent takes us. Sometimes slowly, through low-grade burnout or chronic fatigue. Sometimes suddenly, when our bodies force us to stop, through illness, injury, or total emotional collapse.
And as the Nagoskis point out, this isn’t about time management. It’s about completing the stress cycle. Our bodies are wired to move from stress to safety, but in modern life, we often get stuck in "on" mode. That’s especially true for parents in demanding jobs, who often spend entire days (and nights) juggling decisions, emotions, and responsibilities without a single moment to exhale. Exhale with me right now if you are still reading – in – and out. There we go. Do it again… slowly.
So what does taking the 42 percent look like, realistically, when you’re a working parent in leadership?
It doesn’t mean booking a spa weekend or quitting your job to lie in a dark room for six months (although let’s be honest, some days that sounds very appealing).
It means:
Protecting your sleep like your job depends on it, because it does.
Building micro-moments of restoration into your day: a walk without your phone, a mindful breath before your next Teams call, a laugh with your child, A LONG hug with your partner.
Releasing the guilt around rest.
Acknowledging that recovery is not a sign of weakness, it’s a strategy for resilience.
Asking for support and letting go of the belief that you need to do it all alone.
One of the most powerful mindset shifts I help clients make is this: You don’t need to wait until burnout hits to change how you live and lead.
You can choose a more sustainable way. You can prioritise energy, not just productivity. You can model something different, for your team, your kids, and yourself.
And maybe most importantly: you can stop waiting for the “after” to rest. Because if you don’t take the 42 percent… it will take you!