From Treadmill to Transformation, Or When The Shoulds Get Too Loud

She is 38. On paper, she's nailing it: career intact, family functioning, calendar full. But inside, really really deep inside, the story’s different.

After another 9pm call, she scrolls LinkedIn, catching a promotion she was never even considered for. Her chest tightens, not with envy, but with exhaustion.

The next morning, her daughter asks, “Why don’t you come to my school pick up?” Guilt trip on! The childminder does the pick up.

Later that day, she is at work. Exhausted. Smiling on the outside. When a colleague comments on how she is “so strong,” she wants to cry.

If she was my client, here is what I would ask her: whose “shoulds” are you running toward?

Are they yours? Or ones you inherited from culture, family, work?

This is the silent reckoning of mid-matrescence, the stage of motherhood where your kids are growing and suddenly you feel the need to grow too. Where old definitions of “success” start to feel tight, like clothes that no longer fit.Well perhaps the clothes don't fit either....

This fictional but also oh so realistic mama had been carrying expectations that didn’t belong to her. Trophies that meant little. Standards that cost her too much.

What could change if she decided to change?

Not her job. Not her responsibilities. But her awareness.

She would breathe. For the first time in a long time.

And she would say: “I want to live by my values, not my shoulds or what other people want from me.”

That’s the pivot. That’s the moment matrescence becomes leadership.

Quiet power. Reclaimed choice. The invisible treadmill slows (or maybe even stops for a while).

In my work with high-achieving mothers navigating mid-matrescence, this is the critical awareness point I see again and again. Women who’ve spent years proving themselves, at work, at home, suddenly realise:

The real leadership isn’t in doing more. It’s in redefining what matters most, and having the courage to live it.

This mama’s story isn’t rare. It’s just rarely told with honesty.

So if you’re reading this and thinking, “That’s me,” know this: You are not alone. And you are not failing. You are evolving. Again and again. Just like nature.

Curious what matrescence leadership could look like for you?

DM me to chat about the next round of my group coaching circle for ambitious mums ready to reclaim their leadership on their own terms.

Or take the free Just Matrescence® Leadership Assessment to begin naming the shifts you're experiencing: Link to the assessment

Let’s step off the treadmill, and into leadership defined by you.