“Mama, Did You Sharpen My Pencils?”. This is a story about mental load, leadership, and self-forgiveness
Last Tuesday started like many other September mornings: slightly chaotic, full of anticipation, and layered with emotions. Our youngest son was about to start junior school. My husband went to work, and I was in charge of the first morning back.
No biggie, this is my third child making this step, I got this! Or so I thought. It was a milestone, a new beginning. I wanted it to be special so we were having a lovely chatty morning, as you do when you have a 7 year old.
Then, just as we were putting on shoes, he looked up at me and asked:
“Mama, did you sharpen my pencils?” And my stomach went funny. I knew where this was going. Because, no I hadn’t and we really now did not have time for it!
That tiny but essential task hadn’t made it onto my (or my husband’s) mental load list. In the rush of new job prep (yes, that started Tuesday too), Day 24 of my cycle and the peri-meno heightened emotions that come with it (IYKYK it’s not a good day for managing “big feelings”) and the usual school-run juggle, we’d missed it. What followed was a frantic scramble with a sharpener, running late, tears (his and mine), and raised voices. And being late on the first day, obvs.
In that moment, I felt like I’d failed. Failed him. Failed me. I should have allowed more time, I shouldn't have treated myself to having a shower, should have focused on getting him out of the house.
And yet, as I walked back from school, my chest still tight, I whispered to myself something I’ve taught countless clients navigating matrescence and working parenthood and something I learned to do for myself:
“You didn’t do a great job just now. It’s okay. I forgive you. You can try again tomorrow.”
And I breathed a sigh of relief. I’m not a bad mum. I’m not failing. I’m a good mum, and these things happen and are normal. It’s impossible to keep on top of it all, and it’s impossible to stay calm through every single minute of the day.
THE MENTAL LOAD IS A REAL THING
For parents, especially those balancing leadership roles, the mental load is relentless. It’s the cognitive and emotional labour of remembering ALL THE THINGS: the dentist appointments, the lunchboxes, the school supply lists, the emotional temperature of your children, and your own deadlines. And this is far far far from a comprehensive list.
If you're a leader with working parents on your team, particularly those with young children, know this: the sharpened pencils matter. Not because they define success, but because they symbolise how tight the margins are. You may have done this yourself in the past, so just cast your mind back to those days and tap into that empathy. If you did not, read on.
No one drops the ball because they’re careless. We drop the ball because we’re juggling too many and still showing up trying to lead with presence and professionalism. And this is in parenting AND work alike.
PARENTHOOD IS LEADERSHIP
I will not stop saying this. And the reason I’m writing this is I want to put out as many examples as I can where I see parallels between leadership skills and parenting skills. (Spoiler – there are many and they are transferrable!).
So, my messy Tuesday reminded me (again) that parenthood is a powerful teacher. Let’s have a look at what I did that was parenthood AND leadership that morning:
Being emotionally attuned even when stressed
Admitting mistakes and learning in real time
Choosing compassion over perfection
Showing up when you feel like hiding.
These are core leadership skills. And we develop them from day one of parenting and grow them stronger and stronger. The current society value set up tells us that parenting is a distraction, that somehow we (and especially mothers) become less of, or more dumb, or more tired, or more confused because of parenting. But that’s a bunch of lies.
I’m not just a leadership coach, I’m also a mother of three. I’ve been in this game for 16 years and through my Just Matrescence® work, I support working parents in leadership to stop seeing their parental identity as a liability, and instead recognise it as a leadership superpower.
WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOU HAVE PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN ON YOUR TEAM?
If you're leading a team that includes parents of young children, here are three meaningful ways to support them:
1. See and call out the Mental Load
Make the invisible visible. Start team check-ins with real questions: “How’s the juggle right now?” Recognise that things like school transitions, sick days, and seasonal chaos are not minor inconveniences; they're real stressors. When leaders acknowledge this load, they create psychological safety. Don’t ignore your team’s context outside of work, call it out, ask questions. Be human.
2. Create Micro-Flexibility
It’s not always about grand gestures. Small changes, like avoiding early morning meetings during school runs, or offering remote options during childcare gaps, can have a massive impact on your team’s engagement and loyalty. Flexibility says: I trust you to do your job in a way that works for your life.
3. Model Self-Compassion (PSSST!) this is a biggie!
Leadership is not about never making mistakes or being perfect (I’m talking to you, my exhausted perfectionist friends!), it’s about how you recover. When you’re open about your tough mornings, about apologising when needed, and about forgiving yourself, you give your team permission to be human.
This is how conscious leadership is built, through authenticity, not perfection. It may be that you don’t have children, or never been a primary carer, or it was such a long time ago you don’t remember the hellish mornings. Self-compassion comes in different forms; it’s not just about parenting, and the best thing you can do is to share with your team that you are not perfect and your life is messy too and that you get it!
MY LESSON IN THE MESSY LATE START
What I took from that rushed, emotional morning wasn’t just a reminder to sharpen pencils. It was this:
Even when we don’t get it “right,” we are still leading, with heart, with growth, and with honesty, with courage.
The kind way I spoke to myself, “I forgive you. You can try again tomorrow”, trust me, it’s taken me years of work and being coached to get here. In the past a bad school run would have swirled in my head for that entire day, wishing the day away so that I could see them again, and make sure we were ok.
And this self-kindness and forgiveness, I'm telling you, this is far from being just a parenting moment. It’s a legitimate, genuine, helpful leadership practice. Self-compassion in hard moments builds resilience. It also makes us kinder to others, more attuned, and better equipped to lead high-performing yet human teams.
So to all my leaders of humans out there: support the parents on your teams. Create space for the messy humanity of life. It doesn’t weaken the workplace; it doesn’t make your team less productive, it makes it stronger, I promise.
And if you’re a working parent yourself, let my missed pencils be a reminder that you’re not failing. You’re evolving. One school run, one sharpener scramble, one learning moment at a time.