Quiet Courage: Matrescence, Leadership, and What to Choose Next
Here’s to the mothers (and supportive dads) who chose their path this year and owned it.
In my coaching rooms, 2025 has been the year of quieter courage: less performing, more belonging, fewer “shoulds,” more self-trust, much more courage and self-love.
Matrescence, the ongoing transition of identity through parenthood, has given so many of you the clarity, empathy, perspective and prioritisation that great leadership demands. These are not “soft” skills. They’re hard-earned strategic assets. And yes, parenthood can be a leadership superpower.
Three Matrescence-in-Action Stories from 2025
(Names changed, details blended into a theme from several clients)
1) The Boundary That Built a Better Team
“Laura,” a tech director and mum of two teens, was living at a pace her body couldn’t keep paying for. From the outside it looked like strength; inside, it felt like a treadmill stuck on fast. Her internal story: If I slow down, everything breaks.
After her promotion, the whispers of burnout got loud. Instead of armouring up, or giving up, she got curious. What if clear is kind, to my team and to myself? We wrote a small permission slip: one brave boundary each week. She cancelled two meetings she didn’t need to be in and handed a stretch project to her deputy, an act of trust, not retreat.
What happened: energy lifted, results held, trust improved. Strength stopped looking like white-knuckling and started looking like presence, clarity, and letting other people rise.
2) From proving to purpose
“Anita” returned from her second maternity leave ready to hit her old pace, because it worked last time. But this season of matrescence was different. The push-harder playbook collided with real life.
We named the pressure to be an always-on leader and an always-there parent, then asked: If clear is kind, what would clarity look like now? Anita chose alignment over her usual people-pleasing: fewer late nights, sharper success criteria everyone could see, and a simple weekly leadership reflection.
The shift: less guilt, sharper focus, better outcomes, not from doing more, but from leading from values and inner power rather than fear.
3) From self-doubt to solid ground
“Riya” a founder, could sell a vision to a room of investors, and then second-guess and cry herself all the way home. The story she carried was, I’m only as good as my last win. So every pitch, every hire, every tiny wobble got interpreted as proof she wasn’t enough.
We pressed pause and got curious. What if confidence isn’t the absence of doubt, but a commitment to self-trust in the presence of it?
Riya wrote a mantra for the week: I’m allowed to lead as I am, not as an imaginary perfect CEO. She named her values for this season, clarity, courage, and care, and built three anchors:
A five-minute “clear is kind” brief before big decisions: purpose, people, next step.
A boundary with her inner critic: when it got loud, she asked, What data do you have?, then chose a kinder, truer story.
A weekly reflection with two questions: Where did I lead from fear? Where did I lead from values?
Nothing flashy. Just simple practice and commitment. Here’s what shifted. She stopped outsourcing her worth to metrics and started measuring alignment. With her team she felt more steady: cleaner decisions, steadier direction, fewer reactive pivots.
Riya didn’t become fearless. Her self-doubt didn’t disappear completely. She became anchored. Doubt still knocks, but it doesn’t drive. That’s core confidence: not a roar, but a quiet, reliable yes to who you are and how you lead!
Founder Reflections: What This Year Taught Me
I met so many leaders standing at a fork in the road: the path of “how it used to be” and the path of “who I’m becoming.”
So sharing my own biggest learnings. When we drop the inner critic and listen for what this season is asking of us, decisions become simpler, even if they’re not easy. That’s the heart of my Just Matrescence® method: honour the season, name the new success version, choose the shift, then design the way you lead at work and at home.
I also saw, more than ever, that matrescence isn’t only a personal transition, it’s a leadership accelerator. The qualities forged through caregiving map directly onto what modern organisations need: emotional intelligence, perspective, and principled prioritisation. We are not “bouncing back” to a former self that no longer fits, we are growing forward into leaders who make work more human, and therefore more effective.
So here is what I have learned for myself and from my clients. 9 principles because it takes 9 months (ish) to grow a baby so it fits beautifully into my ethos.
9 Practical Principles for Sustainable Leadership
1) Write your Permission Slip.
Literally write it down on a piece of paper. Confidence doesn’t come first, clarity does. One sentence, every Monday: “This week I’m allowed to lead as I am. Success looks like X.” Keep it visible. Pop it on your laptop lid.
2) Name your season, then right-size your goals.
Early build? Protect deep work and cash. Fundraising? Protect storytelling and stamina. New baby or caregiving crunch? Protect energy and non-negotiables. My learning is that each season drives strategy, we have to flex and grow flexibly.
3) Define “enough” before you begin.
This is a BIGGIE. What’s enough revenue, enough users, enough hours this week? If enough isn’t defined, more becomes the default, and burnout and doubt become the by-products. We MUST define success very clearly before we move. I like the idea of a bare minimum “enough” success each week – everything else is extra wins!
4) Build a tiny Operating System.
Three core focus points:
Cadence: Stand-up Mon, priorities Wed, decisions Fri. OR networking Tues, Clients Weds, Content Thurs. Make one that fits!
Principles: Clear is kind. Slow and steady. Bare minimum “enough” success vision.
Playbook: How we decide, how we say no, how we learn. Values come in super handy here.
5) Make values visible in your calendar.
Speaking of values…if family presence is a value, block the school run before you add client or team meetings. If focus is a value, protect two 90-minute deep work blocks, put your phone in the draw.
6) Run a weekly Courage Review. (15-20 minutes, Friday or Sunday night)
Where did I lead from fear?
Where did I lead from values?
What’s one boundary or experiment for next week?
7) Build your Support Council.
Three roles: a truth-telling peer, a domain expert, and a nervous-system ally (coach/therapist/PT). Put them on a monthly rotation. Courage is contagious, when it’s well resourced.
8) Pre-decide your “No.”
Write three templated declines (for misaligned partnerships, scope creep, other people’s incompetence). Clear, kind, and ready to paste. Boundaries are how we stay generous and have scope to invest our energy.
9) Treat rest as infrastructure.
Recovery isn’t a reward for performance; it’s an absolute must have. Sleep, movement, sunlight, heat and cold (in my personal case!) each week. A regulated leader makes better calls.
An invitation as we close the year
If you’re reading this at a crossroads, maybe quite exhausted by competing devotions, and the general feeling of December overwhelm and maybe sensing that something needs to change, here’s a gentle starting point:
Write down one behaviour you are done with. Then replace it with the behaviour you’re ready to show up with. (For example: from “responsiveness at any hour” to “clear priorities, and “no” delivered with care.”)
Name one boundary that would make you a steadier leader and a kinder parent. Keep it simple. Practice it this week.
Ask: “What would courage look like in this decision?” Then take the smallest concrete step in that direction.
Next Steps & Support
If you want a structured way to begin, try my free Just Matrescence® Leadership Assessment, a quick 5 min reflection that shows how your current season is shaping your leadership, and what you need most right now.
And if you’re craving connection as well as clarity, join the Just Matrescence® Leadership Coaching Circle, a small-group space (London & online) where we exhale, reflect, and practice the skills that make leadership feel aligned again. You don’t need louder hustle and the push you need better support.
On maternity leave in SW London? Come to my in-person Maternity Leave Club (various neighbourhood locations). Pram-friendly, babies welcome, tea & coffee included. We’ll swap overwhelm for clarity, one brave step at a time. DM for upcoming dates and locations.
Prefer 1:1? Book a free 30-minute discovery call.
And finally, my biggest learning of this year: Choose a path and own it like it’s yours! Be proud of it, even if it’s very different! It’s yours.
Maybe your brave thing this December isn’t bigger. Maybe it’s slower. Maybe it’s choosing the role that matches your real values, or drawing the line that lets your team rise, or finally naming the season you’re in. Remember that you’re not behind. You’re becoming and growing and finding.
I’m cheering for the moment you decide to lead with alignment, not overdrive, and to let parenthood refine your leadership, not reduce it.
When we do that collectively, workplaces change too. That’s the world I’m building toward: one where parenthood is recognised as a leadership superpower. If this resonated, pass it on to a parent who leads. The ripple matters. Make your splash!