The Power of Self-Kindness for Working Parents
“We often wait for kindness… but being kind to yourself can start now” - Charlie Mackesy writes in one of the most profound and gorgeously illustrated books I've ever read, "The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse".
How often do you extend the same kindness to yourself that you so freely give to others? As parents in leadership, we are often the first to offer support, encouragement, and understanding to our teams, our children, and our partners. But we tend to be our harshest critics when it comes to ourselves.
We set impossibly high standards. We push through exhaustion. We strive to be present at home while excelling in our careers. And when we fall short of our own expectations, we judge ourselves harshly.
But what if we changed that narrative? What if, instead of waiting for external validation, we chose to show ourselves kindness, right now, in this moment, even if it’s a very hard moment?
The Power of Self-Kindness for Working Parents
Self-kindness isn’t indulgence. It’s a necessary foundation for sustainable leadership, both at work and at home.
Parenting while leading in your career requires constant decision-making, emotional regulation, and adaptability. The mental load is immense. Yet, we often neglect the one thing that could make this journey easier: self-compassion.
Research shows that self-compassionate leaders are more resilient, emotionally intelligent, and effective in their roles. Similarly, parents who practice self-kindness are better able to regulate stress, connect with their children, and model emotional well-being.
So why do we resist it? Or do we simply not know where to start?
I believe it’s because we grew up in a society (or at least the society I grew up in) where self-compassion, just like kindness, is equated with weakness, when in reality, it is the key to strength.
Coaching as a Path to Self-Kindness
This is where coaching comes in. I know you think I'm saying it because I'm a coach. I am biased. But it helped me so it's a lived experience as a client as well as a coach. Through my coaching practice I have met some incredibly talented and outwardly confident leaders who had the worst inner critic they were battling with, daily. Coaching helps working parents recognise and challenge the unhelpful inner narratives that keep them stuck in cycles of guilt, self-doubt, and burnout.
Through coaching, you can:
Reframe self-judgment – Learn to replace harsh self-criticism with a kinder, more constructive inner dialogue.
Set realistic expectations – Identify which expectations serve you and which ones need adjusting.
Develop self-care strategies – Create sustainable habits that support your well-being without guilt.
Strengthen your leadership mindset – Understand that leading with compassion, starting with yourself, makes you a more effective leader in both work and family life. It makes you a leader people want to work with and will give you little extras because they respect you deeply.
The Heart of Matrescence Coaching
Self-kindness is also at the heart of Matrescence Coaching, the process of supporting women through the profound identity shift that comes with becoming a mother. The Mama Rising framework that I’m currently learning with wonderful Amy Taylor-Kabbaz in Australia, which underpins my coaching, recognises that societal expectations around motherhood and leadership are often unrealistic. Women are told they should be able to “have it all,” but often end up “doing it all” and burning out in the process. Rarely are mothers encouraged to pause and be kind to themselves in the process.
But this isn’t just about mothers. Fathers, too, face increasing pressures to balance career growth with being present, hands-on parents. Many dads struggle with long working hours, the unspoken pressure to provide, and the expectation to always “hold it together.” Self-kindness for dads means recognising that they don’t have to fit a rigid mould of strength and resilience, that it’s okay to ask for support, to set boundaries, and to prioritise their own well-being. Coaching can help dads navigate these challenges, ensuring they feel empowered to thrive in both their professional and personal lives and be the equal parent they want to be, despite the societal pigeon-holing them into an inflexible provider box.
By embracing self-compassion, both mums and dads in leadership can redefine success on their terms, balancing ambition with well-being.
Practical Ways to Start Today
We don’t have to wait for the perfect moment to start practicing self-kindness. That’s the whole premise of Charlie’s wisdom in this gorgeous book – delivered through the mind of a cute little mole. Here are a few simple ways to begin today:
Talk to yourself as you would a friend. If your best friend made a mistake or felt overwhelmed, how would you respond? Offer yourself the same grace.
Reframe guilt. Instead of seeing guilt as proof that you’re failing, recognise it as a sign of your deep love and commitment. Then, let it go.
Pause before saying ‘yes.’ Every time you take on something new, ask yourself: “Am I saying yes out of obligation or alignment?” Is this really what I want?
Celebrate small wins. I know I know - you heard this one before! But it does work. You don’t need grand achievements to be proud of yourself. Acknowledge the moments when you show up, even imperfectly. Focus on the positive, no matter how small.
Seek support. This can look different for many of us. Whether it’s through coaching, therapy, peer conversations, or mentorship, a phone call to a kind friend, a dance class, a singing lesson, or surrounding yourself with people who encourage self-compassion can be transformative.
The Ripple Effect of Self-Kindness
When we are kind to ourselves, we don’t just benefit personally. We create a ripple effect. Our children see it and learn that self-worth isn’t tied to perfection. Our teams experience it and feel empowered to show up as their whole selves. Our relationships improve because we are more present, more patient, and more emotionally available.
So, let’s stop waiting for permission to be kind to ourselves. It starts now. And it starts with you.