The Motherhood Brain: A Transformation Beyond Biology
Lucy Jones, in Matrescence On the Metamorphosis of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood, writes:
"I had thought that my disrupted sense of self, my notion that I'd become a new hybrid creature, must be in some way fanciful. But, in fact, as these early studies of the maternal brain show, it was the idea that I was ultimately an independent individual that was fanciful."
In our modern western society, we tend to understand pregnancy and birth as physical events. But neuroscience now tells us what many mothers have felt instinctively: motherhood reshapes the brain in profound and lasting ways.
The Maternal Brain
Ground-breaking studies that Lucy Jones so beautifully captures in her book, have shown that pregnancy leads to structural changes in the brain, particularly in areas related to empathy, emotional regulation, and social cognition. In essence, a mother’s brain rewires itself to attune more closely to the needs of her child. Remember the 'baby brain' - it happens to be a fundamentally transformative process that happens in our brains. There is nothing 'baby' about it!
Researchers have found that:
Grey matter volume decreases (I know what you are thinking!) - but in a positive way. These reductions occur in regions linked to social processing, allowing mothers to fine-tune their responses to their baby’s emotions and cues.
Heightened emotional sensitivity. Mothers become more reactive to their baby’s distress signals, reinforcing the deep bond that forms between them. Have you ever noticed that after becoming a mother you are less tolerant of violent or threatening scenes in movies and feel like it affects you more?
Stronger reward and motivation circuits. This helps explain the deep feelings of connection and protectiveness many mothers experience. We are re-wired to be vigilant and be on the lookout for anything threatening our child.
These brain adaptations are not just a fleeting postpartum phenomenon. The effects can last for years, reinforcing the notion that motherhood is a fundamental neurological shift, not just a lifestyle change.
Identity Shift: Becoming a "Hybrid Creature"
With these brain changes comes something more intangible, yet just as deep and meaningful - the transformation of identity. Many mothers describe feeling like a completely new version of themselves, yet still tethered to their past selves. The struggle to integrate these shifts is real:
The ambitious professional now questioning her sense of self in a world that values productivity over caregiving.
The woman who once felt independent now deeply entwined in the needs of another.
The tension between wanting to “bounce back” and recognising that there is no going back - only forward into a new, uncharted version of selfhood.
This transformation can feel unsettling, but it is not a loss. It is an expansion.
Not Just for Birthing Mothers
While the neurological changes of pregnancy are unique, science also shows that caregiving itself reshapes the brain. Fathers, non-birthing mothers, and other primary caregivers experience brain adaptations over time - especially in areas related to bonding and empathy. While the transformation may not be as immediate or intense as that of a birthing mother, the caregiving role rewires the brain in meaningful ways.
In other words, parenting - at its core - is an experience that reshapes us all, biologically and emotionally.
Embracing the Shift
If you’ve ever felt like you became someone new when you became a parent, it’s because, in many ways, you did. Your brain changed. Your priorities shifted. Your sense of self expanded.
Instead of resisting this change, what if we embraced it? What if we saw matrescence - the process of becoming a mother - as a transformation to honour rather than a problem to solve? Working with a parent coach can support this journey of transformation and finding the new you.