Why Balance Is a Myth for Parents (And How to Embrace the Beautiful Mess)
“Balance is not something you find, it’s something you create.”
If you’re a parent in a leadership role, chances are you’ve been chasing the elusive concept of “balance.” You wake up early, juggle meetings, manage teams, and still try to be present for your family. But here’s the truth: balance is a myth. It doesn’t exist, at least not in the way we imagine it.
I often hear from leader parents who feel like they’re failing because they can’t achieve this so-called perfect equilibrium.
The good news? You don’t need balance to thrive. What you need is permission to embrace the mess, trust the process, and romanticise the chaos.
Let’s explore why balance is overrated and how you can create a life that works for you, messes, routines, and all.
Why Balance Is a Myth for Leader Parents
Let’s face it: parenting challenges for leaders are unique. You’re managing high-pressure roles at work while raising children who depend on you for love, guidance, and support. Trying to “balance” these responsibilities perfectly is like trying to hold water in your hands, it’s impossible.
Take Priya (not her real name), a marketing director and mother of two, who came to me feeling overwhelmed. She shared how she’d tried every productivity hack under the sun but still felt like she was dropping the ball somewhere. “I thought if I just worked harder or planned better, I could make everything fit,” she said. “But no matter what I do, something always feels off.”
Does this sound familiar?
The reality is, life isn’t balanced, it’s dynamic. Some days, work will demand more of your energy; other days, your family will need you most. And that’s okay. As the Bhagavad Gita beautifully puts it, "You have the right to perform your prescribed duties, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions." Focus on doing your best, and let go of the rest.
The Problem with Chasing Balance
1. It Sets Unrealistic Expectations
When we chase balance, we set ourselves up for disappointment. We expect to excel equally in every area of our lives, all the time. But life doesn’t work that way. There will be seasons of intensity at work and seasons where your family needs more attention. Accepting this ebb and flow is key to finding peace.
A relatable quote comes to mind: "Life is messy, and I think we’ve built a tolerance for perfection that just doesn’t exist." – Glennon Doyle.
2. It Ignores the Beauty of Imperfection
Think about it: some of your fondest memories as a parent probably weren’t picture-perfect moments. Maybe it was a chaotic dinner where everyone laughed until they cried, or a late-night cuddle after a tough day. These imperfect moments are what make life beautiful, and they happen when you stop striving for balance and start embracing the mess.
How to Romanticise the Chaos Instead of Chasing Balance
1. Redefine Success on Your Own Terms
As a leader parent, success doesn’t mean ticking every box on your to-do list. It means showing up authentically, whether that’s leading a meeting or reading bedtime stories.
Ask yourself: What does success look like for me today? Is it finishing an important project, or is it spending quality time with my child? By redefining success daily, you give yourself permission to focus on what truly matters.
2. Create Flexible Routines That Work for You
Routines are helpful, but they shouldn’t feel suffocating. Instead of rigid schedules, aim for flexible structures that adapt to your needs. For example, block out specific times for focused work and family activities—but leave room for spontaneity.
Here’s what worked for James, a father and senior manager: He started his mornings with a quick workout, followed by breakfast with his kids. Even if the rest of the day got hectic, those morning moments became his anchor.
3. Celebrate Small Wins Along the Way
Parenting challenges for leaders can feel overwhelming, but celebrating small wins helps shift your mindset. Did you manage to attend your child’s school play despite a busy schedule? Celebrate that! Did you lead a successful team meeting while dealing with sleep deprivation? That’s worth acknowledging too.
Remember, progress, not perfection, is what counts.
4. Practice Self-Compassion When Things Go Wrong
There will be days when nothing goes according to plan. On those days, practice self-compassion instead of self-criticism. Remind yourself that you’re human, and it’s okay to stumble.
As Maya Angelou once said, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."
Real-Life Inspiration: Embracing the Mess Pays Off
One client of mine, let’s call her Maya, a finance executive and mother of three, who learned to romanticise the chaos. She stopped obsessing over balance and started focusing on presence instead. Whether it was dancing in the kitchen with her kids or taking five minutes to breathe during a hectic workday, she found joy in the little things.
“It’s not about having it all together,” she shared. “It’s about finding beauty in the mess and trusting that everything will fall into place eventually.”
Final Thoughts: Trust the Process
Balance may be a myth, but harmony is achievable, with time, patience, and grace. As a working parent coach, I encourage leader parents to stop chasing perfection and start embracing the journey.
As a coach, I specialise in helping parents in leadership roles navigate their unique challenges with confidence and clarity. If you’re ready to let go of the pressure to “balance” and start creating a life that works for you, visit our website today to book a session.
What’s one thing you’ll stop chasing this week to make space for joy?
Share your thoughts below, we’d love to hear from you! And remember, you don’t have to face these challenges alone.
Together, let’s turn the myth of balance into the reality of harmony.
