Wholehearted Living and Working Mums: Embracing the Journey of Motherhood

Is there enough room in our hearts to be wholehearted?

One of the biggest missions of my coaching practice is to help working mums find joy. Yet, as I reflect on conversations with my clients this year, an emerging theme resonates: the emotional weight of parenting with guilt. Many feel compartmentalized, broken, or cracked under the pressures of juggling motherhood, a professional career, and their sense of identity. This journey, often marked by parenting from guilt, stresses the question: what makes a good mother?

It’s a tender space where a mother’s identity seeks to heal from being pulled in different directions. Joy, once so natural, now seems elusive. But I’m on a quest to uncover and share connections that bring us closer to experiencing joy—not as we did before motherhood but as something stronger and more profound. Here’s what I’ve learned:

The Pursuit of Perfectionism

For working mums—and stressed working parents in general—the pressure to excel in both personal and professional realms often leads to perfectionism. This mindset feeds into guilt parenting, where the unrealistic pursuit of “getting it all right” backfires. Dr. Brené Brown’s teachings on vulnerability, courage, and compassion remind us that embracing imperfections helps alleviate the weight of this pressure.

When working mums let go of perfectionism, they can shift their focus from trying to be “perfect” to simply being “enough.” This, in turn, reduces the ever-present guilt and allows space for connection and joy.

The Struggle for Belonging

Motherhood can be isolating—whether it’s navigating the transitions back into the workplace or feeling out of sync with societal expectations. Stressed mothers often wonder if they truly belong in either space: work or home. This lack of belonging creates cracks in one’s self-esteem and fuels parenting with guilt.

Dr. Brown’s insight that vulnerability fosters belonging suggests a way forward. By leaning into authenticity and sharing struggles, working mums can find communities where they feel supported. A parent coach or parent coaching for mums can also help build this sense of connection, guiding parents to form a “village” that supports their dual roles.

Self-Worth: The Core of Joy

At the heart of guilt parenting is a question of self-worth. Feeling pulled between the demands of work and family often leads parents to suppress emotions, making joy feel like an unreachable goal. Dr. Brown highlights that self-worth allows us to endure vulnerability and access positive emotions like joy.

Here, self-esteem becomes the practical stepping stone to rebuilding self-worth. As Theresa Lupcho, LPC, outlines, self-esteem comprises four components: self-confidence, identity, a feeling of belonging, and competence—all crucial for mums striving to find joy amidst the chaos.

Rebuilding Self-Esteem: Practical Steps for Mums

1. Self-Confidence
   Confidence is a cornerstone for managing the demands of work and home. A working parent coach can help rebuild this foundation, empowering parents to navigate challenges with grace.

2. Identity
   Maintaining a sense of self beyond motherhood or work is vital. Recognising personal interests and qualities fosters fulfillment. This step helps answer the question of what makes a good mother - the answer lies in authenticity, not perfection.

3. Belonging
   Loneliness is common in the motherhood journey especially early on, but cultivating a village - whether through family, friends, or paid support systems - can alleviate this. Finding a parent coach is another way to foster connection.

4. Competence
   Every win, no matter how small, builds competence. Celebrating these moments with the guidance of a parent coach creates a positive feedback loop, reinforcing self-belief and joy.

Wholehearted Living: The Antidote to Guilt

Wholeheartedness is about embracing imperfections rather than hiding them. Dr. Brené Brown’s teachings remind us that acknowledging all emotions - both good and bad - is essential to self-esteem and joy. Accepting that fear often walks hand-in-hand with joy is a powerful realisation for both parents.

The Art of Kintsugi: A Metaphor for Motherhood

Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing pottery with gold, beautifully symbolises the cracks of motherhood. When a mother feels broken by the experience of childbirth, the physical and mental strain of raising a child, the demands of work and family, I wonder if there is a way to help mothers reframe these cracks as opportunities to rebuild themselves with strength and grace into something even more valuable, unique and beautiful than before.

Like Kintsugi, parenting teaches us that imperfection is not just inevitable but part of the beauty of motherhood. Working with a coach can help mothers fill their emotional cracks with the “gold” of self-worth, compassion, and joy.

The Role of a Parent Coach

A coach can provide the guidance, empathy, listening, and space - as well as practical tools to navigate these challenges. Whether it’s parent coaching for new mums or finding a working parent coach for more experienced mums who may be feeling a lack of support - by cultivating a deeper sense of self-worth and authenticity, a coach can empower mothers to lead more balanced, joyful lives.

Motherhood is not about perfection. It’s about navigating the cracks with courage and grace, knowing that joy and authenticity are within reach - even amidst the chaos. Together, let’s redefine what makes a good mother, not as a flawless figure but as a wholehearted woman who embraces her imperfections.